If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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