I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
