The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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