You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You took a bar mat shot.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
