READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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