Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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