I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
