Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
