I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize