this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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