Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize