don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
