Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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