I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
