By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
