you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize