Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
