I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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