Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
