He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need to calm my uterus...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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