Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
