She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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