So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
