Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
