i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
