i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
