Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
