what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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