What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
