ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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