it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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