If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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