Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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