I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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