What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
