apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
