tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
