I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
