$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
