Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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