I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
