Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They took my balls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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