Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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