Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
