I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
