So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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