he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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