There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize