i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
