This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
