I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I FOUND THE LEGS
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
