Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
