i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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