i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
