My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
