(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
