It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
