Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize