sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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