walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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