her vagine was all disorganized.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
