Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can't special order awesome
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize