Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
