It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize