i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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