Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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