my sisters under your porch take her home
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
