Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
