How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
