He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
