You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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