I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
did you just send me my own nude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
