My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
