idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
