Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize