I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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