WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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